Which Way?

not rejected, redirected

In the middle of a conversation with my lawyer, he said, “Yah, the rejection will kill you before anything else does.”

Oh.

Several months into divorcing, I was working hard to feel all the feelings – not numb out or distract myself with alcohol, dating, compulsive exercise, mindless scrolling or online shopping.

Feeling the feelings was uncomfortable, some days I thought it might kill me. But rejection – that feeling hadn’t surfaced, yet. Hurt, yes. Heartbroken, yes. Grief stricken and filled with regret? Yes and yes.

The rejection looked like not getting a job I really wanted. Or pitching a publication and not hearing back. It was fighting for my marriage and hearing: “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

The rejection translated: You’re not good enough, Amy. A failure, really. That narrative was the default to everything I wanted but couldn’t have.

But what if these scenarios weren’t rejections but redirections?

What if a higher power has a better plan?

In the moment of rejection, it’s easy to blame ourselves and our shortcomings. For a long time, I believed I needed to fix “it” –to fix me. If I’d done better, been better, and sparkled more, I’d be wanted. I’d belong and be desired.

But guess what? We think we know how “it” turns out. We don’t. In the moment of rejection, we feel as though we’ve lost. That our future isn’t as desirable without the “thing” – the job, the husband, the house you bid on.

Yet, in hindsight, we often say, “Can you imagine if…[fill in what we thought you wanted with what happened and was better than you could have imagined]?”

We marvel that the universe, god, or whoever you put your faith in, took care of us in a way we didn’t even consider in that moment of rejection.

It happens all – the – time.

So, not rejected – redirected. Trusting that something better awaits us. Because it does – even if we don’t know what or when. It’s coming. I promise.